Diary Of An Iranian Teacher
چهارشنبه 5 مرداد‌ماه سال 1384
If I Were A Politician
Subject: * * If I Were A Politician * *
From: VictoryUSA
Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2004 00:47:55 -0700
To: "www.jail4judges.org"

J.A.I.L. News Journal
Los Angeles, California                                                   August 9, 2004

If I Were A Politician
(By Ron Branson, J.A.I.L. Commander-In-Chief)
It is no secret that we are in the throes of a major election, and everyone is intently listening to the promises of politicians. In that vein I thought I would fictitiously enter and indulge in a campaign for Office.
First off, as a contestant for Office, I realize that the media is not my friend. The media despises anything having to do with truth, integrity and freedom, and would certainly seek to twist everything I said. It would be for this very reason that I have to guard my every word, and make it most difficult for them to accomplish their purpose.
Somehow, it seems my opponents are placing heavy emphasis upon their military records. But it seems to me that more concern should be placed upon the future of our country, and not upon what I, or they did thirty-five years ago. I suppose this is an effort to assert some sort of distinction between my fellow candidates. I don't need this issue for such distinction, but Oh, well, I have nothing to hide. So, yes, I did serve three years in the military, with one year in Thailand. Once state-side, I served as a stockade prison-chaser. It was my duty to make life unpleasant for those serving prison time in the military for their untoward conduct. Every prisoner in the compound held lots of respect for me. They told me so. Now that we have the preliminary out of the way, let's get on with more pointed matters regarding my plans for the future of America.
Every candidate has campaign promises of what good things he/she will do if you elect them. But due to politicians' track records on keeping promises, it is doubtful that anyone seriously believes these candidates will truly live up to their promises. In the military the staff sergeant would yell, "Fall out, take ten, and light up," meaning take a ten minute cigarette break. Those who smoked would light up, take a couple of puffs, and then the sergeant would yell, "Put em out and fall in." This practice became known as "Take ten, expect five, and receive two." All politics seem to run on this platform, i.e., promise ten, expect five, and receive two.
What scares me more is not the two, but the ten that my competition promises. I have learned that when politicians promise me all the good and wonderful things they are going to do for me at -- taxpayer's expense, -- to grab my wallet. I know that when they boast of all the jobs they have, or will create for America, that they are either ignorant or lying, and I do not like the prospects of either option. But I guess they feel it will get them votes.
Pray tell, how can governments create jobs? They cannot. No more than one can give themselves a blood transfusion by taking blood out of their left arm and placing it back into their right arm! But it takes real profound thinking to realize this. There has never been a single job created by government that it did not put out of existence two or three other jobs. Yet, in government's thinking, they have netted one additional job on the market, and boast of job creation. Does anybody really believe this stuff, or am I the only candidate thinking? The only thing governments can possibly do is redistribute wealth, i.e., take substance from A, B, & C, and create D. I believe this principle was greatly taught by a man known as Karl Marx. Until I see a my fellow candidates reach down and grab themselves by their waist and pick themselves up and swing themselves over their own head, I have difficulty believing such campaign promises of assuring the creation of new jobs for America. I realize that I am not a genius, but even I can figure this one out, but can America? I guess I will have to cover this point in my upcoming candidate debates.
Somehow, it dawns upon me that my fellow politicians have the "Progress Gage" all screwed up. They think of a gage in which zero is on the extreme left-hand side, and the more government intervention to "improve the economy," the higher will rise the hand on the gage as they improve it. But actually it is where zero is top dead center of the meter, with a positive side on the right-hand, and a negative side on the left. The more the government intervention in the economy, the more the hand dips to the negative side of the gage. Every succeeding effort to prop up this dip to the negative side results in a further dip to the left.
What can government do to remedy this dilemma? Absolutely nothing! This is because government itself is the source of the negative economical swing. But please don't tell them this, for this is their great talking point and their serious campaign issue. They actually think there are such things as free lunches, that cities can be built in the sky, and that pigs fly. Reality eludes them.
It was Thomas Paine, one of our Founding Fathers, who said, "Society in every state is a blessing, but a government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one." One cannot sweeten bitter pottage with wormwood. An if Thomas Paine is not enough, how about our first President, George Washington? "Government is not reason. Government is not eloquence. It is force; and, like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master!" Of course there are still Americans who actually believe they can petition an unreasonable government when government is unreasonable. I guess they also believe one can retrieve pure water from a corrupt fountain, or good fruit from a corrupt tree.
Now as a political candidate, I not only want to garner the votes from my own followers, but also from party members who are not my followers. Now how am I going to arrange that? I plan to do that over the passage of time by building confidence through integrity within their heart.  Everyone needs, and will follow a leader, good or bad, but they will follow a leader! And they will do so even if ignorantly, as Adolph Hitler said, "What great luck for the leaders that men do not think." So since it is inevitable that people will follow a leader, be he right or wrong, I figure it may as well be me. My campaign will be the ingredient they are so starved for, to wit, "Integrity." 
I will promise them 10, knowing they will expect five, but will deliver 100. But remember I cannot tell America about the 100, for my enemy, the media is looking for anything I say to twist. So I state, "Do not vote for, or trust, anyone who says 'Trust Me.'" Notwithstanding this point, I ask you to "Trust Me." I know the way. Who else ya' gonna call to turn this country around?  So now you've privy to my fictitious story, "If I Were A Politician."
Ron Branson
National JAIL Commander-In-Chief

It is not my plans to run Congress, or for the U.S. Senate, or for president, for that matter. I have a much better plan than that, and it will be the judges of America that will bring it about, and it will be your financial support that will make it a reality. Vote for your own Freedom.


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